Something To Hold Onto
by IrishFrenchy
Summary: This is just a little thing. I'll edit more so later on. I don't have the time right now, sorry. Takes place a few weeks or so after Dani dies but before things start to get really serious about finding Parish. Lee/Nina


Lee went to his car to get some things, paperwork and such. His hands trembled from lack of sleep and he fumbled with his car keys as he went to open the old Buick's door. When he closed the door, he felt a hand on his back. It made him jump and he turned to see Nina watching him, a worried look on her face. He softened, giving her a little smile as he held his files in his hand. "Morning, Nina."

He pulled away from her, starting to walk back to the main-building. She got him by the shirt tail, though. "Lee, wait." He stopped, something about her tone made him gulp. "What?" he asked as he turned back around. Again, he planted that all too fake smile on his lips. The woman just sighed and let his shirt go. "I need someone to talk to, Lee. Don't give me that bullshit, that fake smile and that 'friendly but not really' expression." Her words made his mind reel and he just stared at her in surprise. She took the chance to continue on. "Look, I just need someone, okay? I can't keep this all bottled up. I haven't been able to sleep since Dani died." Lee's face fell and he knew then what she was talking about. He couldn't imagine the thoughts that were Dani's that had run through her mind before she passed away.

Lee didn't know what to say, he just shook his head. "I can't…" The words came out in a husky voice, thick with emotion. He turned to leave and she got him by the wrist. She was thankful they were in between two cars so no one could see them, because he stopped quickly. She fell into him, her hand landing on his chest. She could hear his breath catch and it _almost _made her smile. Their entire relationship was built upon a mountain almost's.

He helped her up, ever the gentleman. She thanked him, fixing her hair as a blush crept up to color her cheeks. "I just… We _both _need someone right now. If you push everyone else out, don't push me out. Please." He didn't move away from her and she realized how close they suddenly were. She could tell he was lost in thought. His eyebrows were drawn together like they always were when he was thinking about something. "Lee, are you even listening to me?"

He sighed and nodded his head, almost forcing himself back to the here and now. "Do you want to go out for a coffee?" His question took her by surprise and she just blinked, looking at him. "Umm… Okay, sure." It was only eight in the morning; they could both get away without being noticed. Plus, they were already in the parking lot at the doctor's car.

Nina studied Lee's face for a moment, seeing a desperation there that had become his normal look these past few days. She couldn't handle it, anymore. He was burning his fuse short and it was only a matter of time until he drank himself dead or managed to kill himself out on the job. She hated what this was all doing to him. He wasn't the man she had met she was younger. He wasn't the man she had come to know, maybe even love. She had strong feelings for the doctor and she prayed to god that he never noticed. She's certainly tried to hide it good over the years.

He smiled a little, just for her sake. "I'll drive us to the café around the corner. Go on, get in." She didn't argue with him, she couldn't. This was just a little thing for her. It was his own way of saying that he wasn't going to push her away. He was letting her in right now. She walked around to the other side of the car and they both got in.

She could see his hands tremble as he started up the old car. She pulled her coat closer because she was cold and she sighed. "Relax," she told him, her voice soft. "It's only me. It's okay." His expression seemed to soften then and he just nodded, almost apologetically.

A silence fell between them as he started up the engine. He turned on the heat a little bit because he knew Nina was cold. Her teeth were chattering even if she was trying to hide it. She laughed gently and nodded over at him. "Thanks," she told him. He just smiled gently and pulled out his parking spot. He looked behind him as he backed up and then he rode off, getting onto the main road. He glanced over at her. "Mind some radio?" She knew it was only to add some background noise and she nodded, if only for his sake. He flipped on the radio, a rock station already on. She couldn't help but smile as Hang, from Matchbox 20 began to play. He knew it was one of her favorite songs and it actually brought a smile to his lips.

The ride to the local café was quiet, but it was a comfortable silence that had settled between them. She couldn't help but notice that the tremor in his hands was barely there anymore and she loved that it was her that could do that to him. She would always be there for him and she would do anything for him to realize that. Her heart belonged to him, literally. She had had feelings for him since they had met and he was in her twenties. He was quite good looking back then, now that she thought about it. He had aged gracefully. He was still good looking. She looked over at him as he pulled into the parking lot. His eyes were on the road and she couldn't help but notice the dark bags under them. His face was drawn in and his beard had become a bit scruffy looking. She could tell he hadn't eaten well in a damn long time, either. It was obvious that wasn't taking care of himself. He never ceased to worry her.

Thankfully, he didn't notice her eyes on him while he pulled into a parking spot and turned the car off. She unbuckled her seat belt and sighed, getting out just a moment before him. He tossed his keys into his pocket and they walked in together. Their shoulders brushed and it made color rise to her cheeks. It amazed her than even now, with all that's happened, she still felt the same way for him. The fact that she grown to be an insomniac and that her heart was in tatters didn't stop the way her body reacted to him. Then again, it never had.

He had told her a long time ago that he had feelings for her. She wondered if he still felt anything for her. He was such a hard person to read. His expression was always so vacant, his heart so guarded. She put an argument when he made her let him pay. She nearly pouted and it made him laugh. It was probably the first time she'd heard him laugh in a month or so. The sound brought a little bit of happiness to her heart. "Fine, you win," she said, waving a hand at him. "Pay, you big jerk." He smiled, rubbing his ear as he handed his credit card to the cashier. As the woman handed them their coffee's, Lee leaned in a little closer to say, "If you called me a jerk for being nice and _paying, _I wonder what you would have called him if I didn't." She just shook her head, laughing a little as she walked over to table.

Even if the conversation was easy and the banter was back and forth, she knew if didn't change things. He was still a broken man on the inside. She knew he wouldn't find some kind of peace until he got his hands on Stanton Parish, even if he did really, truly blame himself for the death of his daughter.

They walked over to table near the window. "Look, it's starting to rain." Lee's voice brought her back to the present and she looked outside. Drops were beginning to color the pavement a darker shade and the skies were darkening. "We'll have to fly back to the car," she said and there was a joking tone to her voice. He hummed in reply as he took a seat across from her. "We can dodge the rain drops, if we move fast enough," he answered, smiling softly. Just the fact that he was jousting back made her smile but then again, it also made her heart ache. He was only doing that to make her happy, so she thought he was okay. It was start, though, because the smile on his face, even if it was tiny, was a real one.

They sat there for a long moment, just holding their coffee's in their hands to keep warm. They both seemed to look up at each other at the same time, though. He cleared his throat and his expression turned thoughtful. "You know," he began. "I told you a long time ago that I would _always _be there for you, but now, now I'm not so sure." She took a chance then, and she reached across the table for his hand. He met her halfway, another surprise. She swallowed hard and gave him her hand. "You're going to make it through this, Lee. I'll make sure of it myself." His eyes met hers and she saw confusion in his. She knew he could see right through her. If only for a moment, he saw how much she loved him. It must have been written on her face, as plain as day. He didn't say anything about it. Hell, he didn't even look like it _bothered _him. "Why do you care about me so much?" he asked, pulling her from her thoughts and her eyes fell from his handsome features, down to his coffee cup as some steam rose.

For a moment, she just thought of a proper way to answer something like that. Nothing came to mind, though, so she just went with her gut. "You were always there for me. I should repay the favor. And, please, don't turn that around and think that I'm just doing this to pay you back. I'm doing it because I want to, because I hate seeing you like this, and because it's the right thing to do. I hate seeing you like this, Lee. It kills me." He didn't even know what to say, he just looked at her, his eyebrows raised in surprise. "I felt what she was feeling, Lee." She turned their hands around and took his in her own. "I _know _how much she loved you. She forgave you, I felt it. She loved you so much." He tried to pull his hand from hers but she wouldn't let him. She pulled her chair in a little more so she could speak quietly to him. "Don't do this to yourself…" He just looked at her, his eyes filling with tears. "Nina, please, drop the subject. Not here, not now."

He made to get up but her voice stopped him. "If not now, then when? You _need_ to be able to find some kind of closure, something to hold onto." He turned back around to her and everything he was feeling right then was so easily displayed on his face. It almost broke her heart. "What?" he asked. "What do I have to hold onto?"

She stood up, coffee in hand. She was suddenly grateful that no one was in the café right then. "Same thing as Cameron… You have memories, memories that make it worth it. You have people around you who love you, who care about you." She couldn't meet his eyes and for a moment, he just looked at her. "You mean, I have you," he said in a low voice, a knowing look on his face. She looked up at him, a bit shocked. "Wh-what do you…" She couldn't even finish the sentence, so she let her words trail off.

For a long moment, they both just looked at each other. There was a line they had always seemed to dance around and Nina's breath caught when Lee crossed it. He took a step closer to her and pressed a kiss to her forehead, his eyes squeezing shut as he did so. She held her breath until he pulled away, a soft expression on his face. He didn't say anything else and he put his hand on the small of her back, just as he always did, and they left the café together.

Once they were outside, they watched the rain from the overhang. "Shit," she mumbled. "We're gonna get soaked." He nodded in agreement and he looked over at her. "No… You know what? Stay here, I'll go get the car and I'll pull up to the curb, then you can just hop in. No point in us both getting wet." He gave her a little but genuine smile and she found herself at a loss for words. He could be so sweet, sometimes… He noticed her expression and he touched her arm. "It's okay, I don't mind. Stay here, I'll be right back."

She watched him walk off, holding his coffee cup tight so it wouldn't slip out of his hand. He jogged over to his Buick and she saw his head disappear as he got in. A minute later, he pulled up to the curb. With a smile, she dashed over to the car and got in. A moment passed where they both laughed lightly. He was soaked and even though she tried to run fast, so was she. They just looked at each other as the laughing tapered off. "Thanks," she told him. He nodded his head and smiled a little. "I didn't want you to get sick from the rain... It's okay." She shook her head and her eyes met his. "I don't mean for that, Lee," she said in a quiet voice. "I mean for coming out with me, for doing this. You let me in and I appreciate it." His eyes were a dark gray and his hair was shaggy because it was so wet, but honestly, he'd never looked so good. She brushed his bangs from his forehead, tucking them behind his ears. "You need a haircut," she told him lightly. He didn't pull away from her and he smiled that little smile that he always gave her, one that told her he was still himself, somewhere in there.

"When this is all over, Lee, when we've caught Stanton Parish and when we can _finally_ try to be okay again, you should go out to dinner with me." She didn't know what possessed her to say that and she could hear his breath catch. "I'm sorry, I don't know why I ju-" She never got the chance to finish that sentence. Her heart stopped as he leaned in a little closer to her, his hand finding her cheek.

"Just be quiet. Come here," he told her. His tone was lighter than she could have _ever _prepared herself for. She let him kiss her and his lips were soft against hers. It wasn't a long kiss, or a desperate and passionate one. It was gentle and very, very loving. There were all sorts of promises in that kiss. She reached out for Lee, her hand touching the one he had on her cheek. She kissed him back softly, with everything she had in her heart and soul. It was like she poured all of her into that kiss.

When they pulled away, he just looked at her. There was a gentle way about him and she couldn't help but smile a little. "I would honestly love that," he told her. His voice came out husky and he cleared his throat a little. "In fact, I know just the place." That was all he said, he pulled back and turned on the windshield wipers before pulling away.

The ride back to the office was spent in a comfortable silence. Yes, they each had aching hearts but today, today they both found a little bit of comfort. And sometimes, all you need is a little bit of something to hold onto. Nina felt okay, she felt like she could get through the rough days that were to come. She would keep a hold on Lee, make sure he didn't drown. They would be there for each other. She would wade through all the shit, go to hell and back just for this man. He meant that much to her… He'd always been for her and it was the least she could do, to be there for him now. He needed someone right now.


End file.
